Episode description:

Opening Quote:
Kyle: What up, Craaaig?

Player introduction:
Lauren: Hello and welcome to another episode of the tabletop champions! I'm Lauren your dungeon master and with me tonight we have Matt who plays Fanel...

Matt: Hellooo.

Lauren: Kyle who plays Irpaks...

Kyle: Somebody... once told me... the world... was gonna roll me.


Lauren: I knew it!

Sean: I knew it was coming back, cause I was gonna do it this week.

Lauren: Stephanie who plays Raquel...

Stephanie (in Boone's voice): I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Lauren: Ben who plays -

Stephanie: [inaudible] ...the next line.

Kyle: I know it if you need it.

Lauren: Ben who plays Throden...

Ben: Uh, where do college of glamour bards go to school? The university of fae-nix.

Lauren: Boooo.

Matt: *groaning*

Lauren: And Sean.

Sean: Why do all you guys -

Lauren: Who is Sean.

Sean: Why does everybody do a sad intro when another character dies, but when it's Lisan everyone's like "We're gonna make jokes and have fun!"

Lauren: #notbitter

Kyle: I - I will keep myself committed to a bit regardless of what happens in the episode previous.

Lauren: Hi guys!

Stephanie: Hi Lauren!

Lauren: Hi!

Stephanie: Whatever, Sean.

Sean: This is my dramatic exit from the podcast, I just wanted one more - one more intro.

Lauren: How the tables have turned. This is it. Say goodbye.

Episode SummaryEdit

The episode begins with the party emerging from Hell in the abandoned town of Westphalia. Clover is not with them, and Messages Irpaks to say he's in Haven. Unfortunately, Clover also has Irpaks' stick. Throden's devil corpse is also missing.

They go into the tavern to rest, and Throden sees a wooden sparrow figurine and a tarot card with a note on the bar. The tarot card is the fool from Lisan's deck, and the note says, "When you're ready to make your move, say 'Periwinkle.' It'll take you far in. ♥️L" The sparrow figurine has a tag on its leg that says "Say 'stupid bird.'" Fanel asks aloud, "Why does it say stupid bird?" and a 3 foot tall sparrow kenku appears. He has a tattered green scarf, a tattered cloak with buttons stitched all over it, and a too-big backpack with a stuffed owlbear sticking out of it. He hands Fanel a note:

It appears you have lost something important to your success, and for that I wish to offer you my condolences. If I could have helped you in your time of need, I would have, but unfortunately I had tea on and company is arriving at some point. I think. Since I was unable to help, I offer you this as a 'sorry your companion died, he was mediocre at best but at least be honest, you can't pick your friends' gift. He doesn't have a name since I wiped his memory before sending him off, so pick one that seems fitting. He can be a bit clingy, but he is yours to command. All you have to do is say 'stupid bird'.

Signed: Grifto McBag, Master Merrymaker and Minister of Maleficence, Magister of the Plane of Mischief

P.S.: No takesy-backsies, he's your problem now.

Using gestures and mimicry, the kenku exchanges 17 gold for a button from Fanel's shirt. They can see the kenku also has a bow and arrows of very fine make. Raquel asks him if he really doesn't have a name, and the kenku asks her for a button, which she refuses to give him. Irpaks nopes out and goes to sleep. The kenku curls up at Fanel's feet. Raquel is about to take first watch while drinking, and Fanel decides to stay up with her. The kenku immediately gets up to watch with Fanel. He asks for more buttons and Raquel refuses again, but Fanel gives him all the buttons on his vest, revealing his washboard abs. The kenku starts sewing the buttons onto his cloak. Raquel starts to call him "little dumb bird" and is reprimanded in her own voice. Fanel suggests Starling, and Throden suggests Button. The kenku repeats "A button? Do you want to be called Button?" and Raquel starts calling him Abutton. He tells Fanel to have a seat and starts taking watch. Fanel expresses concern about Abutton, but Raquel says after Lisan, it might be nice to have someone who shuts up for a change.

Fanel tells Raquel about his order, and how he thinks Leo despises him now. Abutton gives Fanel his stuffie and says, "Family to me." Fanel continues talking about Leo, saying that given the fight-to-the-death trial he set, Fanel believes Leo wanted him dead. Raquel and Abutton encourage him to find new family instead. Abutton says this may be his last night on Irulan, and asks Raquel for a button. She gives him a bottle cap, but he calls it garbage and hands it back. Fanel says the order changed for the worse the last ten years, perhaps because of Leo, and considers salvaging it or starting his own order.

Fanel and Raquel hear and then see an army marching past the inn, coming from the Ziragzar Spires. It seems to be a very large militia composed of drow, humans, and devils, some of whom resemble those from Trenton200. Fanel suggests waking up the others, so Abutton hops over to Irpaks and blasts drumming and marching sounds from the army in his ear. Irpaks goes to thwack him but has no stick. Fanel asks Irpaks how old he is. Irpaks says he's older than all of them, and Abutton points at himself and shakes his head no. Irpaks says to consult Throden, so the party talks and decides to wait until morning.

In the morning, the group gathers to go to the Spires. Raquel whispers "Periwinkle" to Abutton, and he repeats it. The tarot card starts glowing, getting brighter as each person says it. Once everyone has said it, they are teleported to a stone hallway dimly lit by torches. They hear chanting, "To summon the night, mortal god must spill. For the mighty dagger that has aimed to kill." After several repetitions, it changes to "When the mortal god now dies, Kri'zakth will now rise." Abutton signals quiet and goes to scout ahead. Irpaks turns invisible, Throden casts Pass Without Trace, and Raquel throws up her Ioun Stone. They stealthily make their way forward, led by Abutton.

Abutton sees a drow woman adorned in royal red and black armor and robes leading the chant, with a bald, tattooed elf at her feet. The woman has a dagger raised up to strike the elf. Abutton kills her with three arrows and shoots a fourth into her dead body. As she falls, purple energy surges from the dais she was standing on and Aramel rolls off it. He takes cover as they hear a roar from above. Fanel and Raquel agree not to make Abutton mad.

Throden enters the room and sees the dais with the dead drow, cultists running around in confusion, and in the back left corner, a giant red creature with wings, horns, and hooved feet (Asmodeus) held down by chains next to a massive stone basin with wispy green skulls emerging from it. Occasionally bursts of necrotic energy shoot from the basin and strike the creature, who screams in Infernal. Tode flies down from above, and Throden can see the glow of blue, black, green, yellow, and white gems within the fungus growing on him. There is also a long chain around his neck and purple tendrils racing across his body, and he screams as the tendrils pulse. The party fights the cultists and Tode. Abutton shoots a mushroom on Tode's back, bursting it so two black gems fall out. Irpaks picks them up and disappears with a flash, and Boone appears in his place. Irpaks finds himself in a dungeon surrounded by people held to the wall by purple tendrils. Irpaks tentatively drops one of the black gems. It shatters and reforms in his hand, and he switches places with Boone again. He now has only one gem. Fanel punches a blue gem out of Tode, and Raquel gets the other blue gem and two clear. As the gems fall from Tode, one of the tendrils drops off and he shrinks in size. Raquel picks up the gems and disappears. Raquel sees Boone trying to take down people attached to the wall with purple tendrils. Cam appears in Raquel's place; the silver disk in Fanel's pocket vibrates and flies out, and Cyrus appears in its place with a flash. Irpaks knocks out a green gem, Throden another, and the purple tendril drops off Tode entirely. Tode wails in anguish and pain and shrivels into nothingness. The party hears a few gasps and sees Aramel standing over some dead cultists in the corner, flipping a knife. Cam looks at Cyrus dumbfounded.

Fanel sees Kallas approach the creature by the basin with the rod he stole. He looks at the basin and says something in Infernal. There's a blast of necrotic energy, and Asmodeus vanishes. Kallas walks over to the basin, points the rod at it, and a beam of energy shoots out. The basin cracks and spills open, releasing thousands of spirits. One of these, a gnome, stands in front of Kallas. He holds out his hand and smiles as he releases it. He looks down and sees that the rod is gone. Sunlight shines down into the cathedral for the first time in months185.

Raquel helps Boone get Dagna down from the wall and finds their stuff in a chest, as well as Skrag's armor. In another cell she finds Markus, Skrag, and D'Nias, all unconscious. Raquel can't wake them, and asks Boone what this place is. Boone doesn't know, she's just been here a long time and has been tortured. Raquel shows her the gems, and Boone tells her how they work. Raquel crushes one, and returns to Irulan with a yellow and clear gem. As she returns, Cam and Cyrus disappear. Kallas goes to the gems and says it's time to return. Abutton asks him for a button, but Kallas simply crushes a green gem and disappears.

Memorable QuotesEdit

Abutton: Tonight may be my last night on the wonderful plane of Irulan. A button?

Raquel/Abutton: Quite frankly garbage.

Raquel: go to the Zigazigar - Zigazigar? Ziga-zig... anyway, um, mountains, and. Or we go -
Kyle: Zirig - for the record -
Stephanie: Zirazir? 'Ziryir?'
Kyle: For the record, it - it - none of those things. It's Zirigzar.
Stephanie: Zirigar. Got it.
Kyle: Z - no!
Matt: Zirizar.
Kyle: Nope. It's not that either, Matt.
Matt: Oh.
Lauren: Zirigzar, right?
Kyle and Ben, repeatedly: Zirig-zar.

Sean: My only purpose is just dealing death for Fanel.

Lauren: Congrats, you took out the big bad for next season.

Lauren: Don't join cults kids.
Sean: Or a small three foot sparrow will murder you.

Matt: Thanks, Ben, for ruining the moment.
Ben: Yeah, aw I can't turn into an owl, I guess I'll just shoot lasers out of my hands instead.

Lauren: There's a blinding flash, and a man with dark brown hair, an eyepatch over one eye, standing strong, tall, and proud with a halberd stands ready.


  • On his first attack, Abutton uses Assassinate, Sneak Attack, Sharpshooter, and a Shadow Arrow for 47 points of damage. His second attack does 19 damage. Then he uses an Action Surge for another two attacks, getting a crit on the third attack with a Shadow Arrow, killing her. Then he shoots a fourth arrow into her body. In one turn he did 124 points of damage.
  • Kyle used his inspiration on Irpaks' saving throw against Tode's fear effect, but failed anyway.
  • After being knocked out by Tode's acid breath, Sean rolled a nat 20 on Abutton's first death saving throw to become conscious.
  • Sean first said Abutton had a stuffed bugbear, but later said he had meant owlbear, because that's what Lux had.
  • Matt had been planning a new character to replace Cyrus for weeks, not knowing that he was in the disk and Lauren and Sean were planning on bringing him back the whole time.

New Abutton phrases:

  • A button? — Fanel
  • That's all you wanted? — Fanel
  • I don't know what to do with this thing. — Raquel
  • I'm gonna take a nap. — Irpaks
  • Well, looks like you have a new friend, dahling. — Raquel
  • Stay up with [you] and do first watch, [dahling] — Raquel
  • No, dahling, no. — Raquel
  • Do you want to be called Button? — Fanel
  • Why don't you have a seat. — Raquel
  • Family to me. — Fanel
  • Quite frankly garbage. — Raquel
  • Tonight might be my last night on this wonderful plane known as Irulan. — Raquel -> Tonight may be my last night on the wonderful plane of Irulan.
  • You'll learn eventually. — Raquel
  • It's been a lot of fun. — Raquel
  • Definitely hoping that I don't die. — Raquel -> Definitely hope I don't die.
  • Cautiously optimistic. — Raquel
  • Drumming and marching sounds — army
  • Sounds like a win. — Irpaks
  • Periwinkle — Raquel whisper
  • [Now] that's what true friendship looks like. — Irpaks
  • Just you wait sonny. — Irpaks
  • Make my own family. — Raquel or Fanel
  • Zigazigaaa! — Raquel

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